Koakuma's Diary
by Fortevn
Summary: The life in Gensokyo from the view of Koakuma. This may or may not contain references, implied fantasies and such that are not originally from Touhou. But I don't know when they should appear so the category is still "Normal".
1. Day 1

_Sundas, 1st of Sun's Dawn_

Today once again a fine day. As I woke up, the sun was already shining.

"Boring as hell." I thought to myself.

Well, there is nothing to do here in Moonshadow, for a Daedra like me. Running around, picking flowers and fruits, staring at the waterfall and thanks Miss Azura for letting me be here.

It's dull I tell you.

Dull, dull, dull.

They said I'm a stupid little child to despite such paradise. Heh, grown-ups and their lectures.

How right they were.

I don't know how it happened, but when I successfully snuck behind Gengetsu and was about to shove this booming cactus up her ignoble butt, a Gate of Oblivion appeared and started to suck us in.

"Oh my god what the f..." she startled, not sure because of the ghastly appearance of the Gate or because the pulling force allowed me to unwillingly do what I intended.

Everything went dark. I was scared but then realised we Daedras are immortal.

When I woke up, again. It felt really wrong since I've never been waking up twice a day in my life.

That was a dark room, filled with bookshelves and if I could regain my wits, I would scream at the size of it.

I've never seen such room, perhaps due to the unfortunate fact that I've been always living in the nature. The feelings of being trapped, isolated inside a cage finally reached me.

Feels good man.

"So, you're the one responded to my summon?"

I jumped a litte, the voice was just from my back. Turned around, I felt relieved, it was only a girl.

She was sitting on her bottom uncomfortably, I think it was because she fall over.

Why am I so brilliant to point that out? Because I'm brilliant that's why.

No, actually, the table behind her was broken and some kind of transparently brown, hot liquid was all over her, causing the cloths to attach to the body revealing the very natural wonder of beautiful self-armor called "skin".

Also, what enormous bosom.

The girl tried to get up but her hand slipped, her face ungladly met the floor making an interesting noise. Now looking closer, I think I'm in a different world.  
I mean, blimey, this dual-breast-wielder has purple hair!

I recalled what the grown-ups used to say: "I hope someone would summon me soon, I want to fight."

Oh yes, that was the dream of this very Daedra, escaping the dull paradise and joining the adventurous, lively, bloody battle of life and death.

I had to be refined and worthy of my lineage.

"Only a mage with certain skills could summon me to their aid. I ask of you, Miss Purple, are you my master?"

The girl didn't reply. How rude.

"Are you, by any chance, ignoring a Daedra? Speak, girl, or in the name of Azura I shall ask you again!"

Silence. Now, dear diary, you know that I'm not impatient or let such minor inelegances stir my heart. But this, this exact impoliteness got all the guards in Skyrim taken an arrow to their knees.

Also, I heard some Courier took a bullet to his head due to this.

But, I am refined and forgiving, so I only kicked her in the head. Just a little bit. I mean, I heard that doing that is fun (from the grown-ups of course).

Anyway, I was so furious I took the body (I found out she's not dead, she only passed out), put it on a solid platform, took all her clothes off (How did she get that kind of anatomy, she should be the enemy of all women who couldn't get laid), and placed as many book as possible on her.

She's lucky, when I was in Moonshadow I only had grass and leaves to prevent me from the death of cold.

Anyway, she didn't seem to be waking up anytime soon, so I took the liberty of examing the place.

Lots of book. The shelves are positioned very neatly to make paths between them. On the side of each shelf there is a note with arrows. However, a noble (I think, nobody said otherwise) Daedra such as myself couldn't dwell into commoners' education and learn how to read. I mean, blimey, I'm already so powerful and intelligent why would I ever need to read?

And this labyrinth of books doesn't have any way out, too. Mighty as I may be, I have to admit whoever built this is a genius.

There are several withered candles around, obviously they used to be lightning the room up before blown out.

How? Probably because of my summoning. To be able to summon me, though getting injured from overdoing it, this mage is not only powerful, but also desperately in need of my support.

Ok, I, [blank], in the name of Mistress Azura, shall lend you my power!

For some reason, I forgot my name.


	2. Day 2

_Morndas, 2nd of Sun's Dawn_

I woke up to a dark, big room filled with smells of paper. Strange, I had the feeling I've been here before...

My head hit the wall as I was surprised by a chunk of moving books, some kind of worm, white worms wriggling about underneath trying to get out. I tried my best not to cry, but that wall is so hard even my head hurt.

"Get me up..."

A voice echoed, from beneath the book hill. I suddenly realised the worms were fingers of a person.

"What are you doing in there? Books are used for reading, not building a nest." I shouted, and it's well damned intimidating I tell you.

"I know that! Who do you think I am?" The thing inside spoke again, now with a little bit anger.

How the hell would I know? What do you expect from a cute, innocent yet powerful and cunning Daedra like myself who just happened to complete her rest and found herself in a mysterious place? I'm not an easy girl, dear diary, I do not stray from my lovely valley to a lair of somekind of book-obsessed monster with huge breasts.

Wait, I remember those.

As my memory coming back, I recalled how I got transferred to this world via the Gate of Oblivion, helping the breasts, then fall asleep after being unable to get out. Well, what's done is done, no?

Also a Daedra always gladly accepts their fate as long as it takes them to the thrill.

The breasts monster (after changing her clothes and washing up with strange bubbles coming from thin air) then told me that I'm her familiar. That fool, trying to enslave a Daedra?

Normally, such statement would end in her getting pulverised into a bloody mass of flesh and raw bones, a begging figure that never know tears better, a pile of intestines, a pond of guts, a sorry excuse of a humanoid who dared to test her frail body and mind against me, a poor soul that couldn't ever reach nirvana as it will be crushed, a life which would wish to have never been born.

However, since I'm a nice, refined Daedra, I accepted the contract after her hand, which was holding a very big book, travelled towards my face with gathering speed.

People said knowledge is the most powerful weapon, and I would not oppose, that book could kill. My body flipped beautifully in mid-air, and landed upside-down on the flagstones after the impact.

Seriously, who used stones for a room's floor?

That purple girl, who later claimed to be called "Patchouli Knowledge", asked for my help with her works. Well, dear diary, she treated my wounds and all, so obviously I cannot leave her alone. She is a witch (fair enough) who is pursuing the very end of all wits. Inspiring stuffs indeed.

So basically, I'll be here cleaning the place, arranging the books and making her tea.

What an exciting routine. For someone had been long bonded to the chains of freedom, who had to do everything she liked and play whenever she wanted, this, is a true challenge!

Well, shit, that's not fooling anyone. I'm trapped inside one maze of a library. I'm lost. I've been forsaken. There is no hope. There is even no tunnel to be a light at the end of it. I'm doomed, doomed, doomed. This mighty Daedra will spend the rest of her life here doing house chores alone for a cute girl with big breasts, curvy hips and long legs.

On the second thought, it's not that bad of a life I think?

Anyway, after knowing that I had an amnesia, Patchouli named me "Koakuma". From her language, or her current world's language, it means "Little Devil".

I think it fits anyway, I'm strong and cunning like a devil, yet still young (actually it's a plus, youth is the charm) so the name is perfect.

She also told me that this room is only part of the house, which is called "The Voile Library". The big building it belongs to is named "Scarlet Devil Mansion". I insisted her to let me meet the owner, the house isn't big enough for two devils. Patchouli laughed, saying the owner isn't a devil, but a vampire. Well, then it's even better if I kick her ass and become the mistress of this mansion. Vampires are low class midgets, they shouldn't be having such luxury.

"Perhaps you should meet Remilia's personal maid first, she'll teach you how to work around here." Patchouli said that to me, can you believe it?.

Heh, I already feel bad for this whatever Sakuya. Tomorrow will be fun. Wait for it, diary.


	3. Day 3

_Tirdas, 3rd of Sun's Dawn_

Dear diary,

Today, the most extraordinary thing happened.

I've come along with Patchouli-sama (she insisted to be addressed like that, though I really don't know what the suffix is for) to meet the owner of the mansion, and this magnificent servant appeared.

She's quite something.

Her hair is made of silver and her smile can make booming flowers so jealous they jump out of the windows. Her stunning knowledge about house chores are admirable, I've never known water can help cleaning things so much better. I was in awe indeed.

Anyway, as we strolled with this so-called Izayoi Sakuya (I still find it hard saying her name... ee-za-zoi or ee-za-yo-e? Well I'll just call her Sakuya), I took notice that this household is very very very rich. The mansion is simply huge and decorated exquisitely. All the furnitures are either made from silver and gold, or high-valuable wood. Even the nobles in Tamriel wouldn't have this kind of luxury.

And did I tell you about the walls?

Hells, they're smooth, covered in dry blood yet still rock hard and doesn't smell.

Whoever the mistress is, she is a true classic devil.

I also soon realised that Sakuya is more elegant than your normal maid. The way she moves and talks can put Queens in shame. I say, when she delicately opened the door, pulled the blankets, flipped the bed so her mistress would flied beautifully through the air and woke up as the end-table's edge touched the vampiress' face rather firmly, her profile looked absolutely dazzling.

Shortly later I was able to introduce myself to Remilia Scarlet, the vampiress that occupies this mansion. Turned out she's quite a lady. Her figure gives out an aura that exceed even that of Sakuya's, charismatic, cultivated, dainty, ethereal, impeccable, incomparable, meticulous, outstanding, peerless, polished, splendid, striking, subtle, superb, superior, superlative.

She's short and flat-chested, though.

Anyhow, she seemed to accept me. She said Patchouli-sama is physically weak and couldn't read a book by herself lately, therefore I'll be a great help to her. However, there will be no salary.

"I'm afraid that we are not as wealthy as we were once. The true reason Patchouli had to summon you is due to the fact that this mansion now only has two employees. Sakuya was forced to be the house's butler rather than my personal maid. The other, Meiling, whom we'd very likely to acquaint you with later is an irreplacable gatekeeper. Those two have strict duties and are unable to schedule themselves for the underground library's activities." - said the vampiress.

What can I say? Shit. And do you know what the elegent once-my-brief-idol maid said?

"Aptly put, ma'am."

Double shit.

So here I am, finishing cleaning the damn library and cooking my mistress some noodles. What joy! What a dream for a Daedra! Now sitting six feet beneath the limit of sunshine, enjoying the unwindy environment that filled with eye-candy mountains of books!

I'm going to desert. When the maid was showing me around the place, I detected a hidden, gloomy, sealed-away little door just beside the drain. It must be the secret tunnel used for quick evacuations. Tomorrow, I'll be free and ready to conquer this world!

I think they called it "Gensokyo".


End file.
